Friday, January 28, 2011

I remember...

Many magazines or newspapers publish "In Memoriam" articles at the end of the year, commemorating the lives of celebrities and public figures who have passed on. Well 2011 is a month in, but I wanted to write a post to just...remember people. In the past year, some people I have known left the world in very sudden ways. Most of them were young and around my age which only added to the shock factor. Maybe it's due to the overwhelming stress I have had in my life in the past few months, but recently I have had delayed reactions when I found out about people I know passing on. It's like I hear the news and feel nothing, but days later I find myself crying randomly, or getting up at night and crying. Don't know if that's normal, but I suppose that is how my mind is handling grief at the moment.

In spring of 2010, my friend Ying passed on during vacation in the Bahamas. Ying was a college friend who begged me to join a Ms. Asia Pageant, so they could have more brown girls (which I consequently won, thanks Ying!). I also remember her dressing up as a hotdog at the Rutgers University Hot Dog Day. She made an awesome hot dog. I guess that is how I will always remember her, as an energetic little Asian girl who was a great leader and just a vibrant ball of energy.

Another girl I knew not as closely, but she was an enthusiastic volunteer when I worked at the Center For South Asia Studies at UC Berkeley. She passed in a plane crash. It was again, very sudden and she was very young, younger than me. It is just surreal to see someone at work, and then knowing that they are just gone, like dust.

After this I found found out that an awesome friend I knew in college, Kanishka Paul, passed away from a heart attack. He was young and in medical school. He had been one
of the founders and first presidents of the Bengali Students Association at Rutgers, and was there to support me when I took on a leadership role within BSA. I remember begging him to be in the fashion show, and he enthusiastically obliged, playing the part of a green card holder who gets the girl =). And he was always a great sport when I pulled him into interactive BSA meetings. The world lost a really great and humble guy.

Another girl I knew named Soraya passed away recently in Thailand. I knew her through other friends in capoeira here in Berkeley. She was a beautiful girl with great energy. It was again, shocking, as with the others, to hear of her passing. She was so healthy and active. It's always hard when anyone passes away, but when young, healthy people are suddenly gone, it's just very hard to wrap my mind around.

Most recently, a relative I loved dearly, my uncle, Hamid Choudhury passed away. If you look at my previous postings, you will come across one about my great uncle (my nana) Masood Choudhury passing on. Hamid was his son. Hamid's death was very shocking to me. I was worried about his health especially after his father passed. I remember holding his hand so tightly during his father's funeral, so that I could be there for him. That was the last time I saw him. We would talk on facebook and send some messages back and forth. I feel guilty that I didn't reach out to him more, I didn't know that he would leave so soon. But I guess no one ever really does, and maybe in some ways many of us have regrets when we lose someone. Hamid was such an incredibly intelligent and funny person. I loved talking to him because we were both total science nerds. We would spend hours talking about black holes and time travel. He was surprised to find a young girl so interested in this "nerdy" stuff. He would lend me books on string theory that I would always forget to return. I asked his sister to give me his books. I feel that by reading them, with every word, I will remember him. I love to read and books are so precious to me. I will keep his books forever and through his love for science, for theories and knowledge, I will keep his memory alive.

I remember hanging out with him and his father, my nana, in their Harlem apartment. I always had fun with the both of them. Lots of laughs, good food, political talks and constantly having to shout things at nana repeatedly since his hearing was going. In my heart, there is a room, where they both will stay, me and them, together in that apartment talking and enjoying ourselves. And they will be there forever, where I can visit them whenever I want.

Maybe that's just how it is, in my head they are alive and vibrant, and this is my way of dealing with it. Sorry for making this post depressing, but more than anything it was just my little way to relay my memories of these people. Maybe it's more for me, but thanks for reading. I'll have more uplifting posts in the future, I promise. But my blog will go as life goes, with the ups and downs.

3 comments:

  1. The posts about the passing of Nana and Hamid brought tears to my eyes of joy and happiness knowing they are still alive in our hearts! Thank you Nadia. Hamid always spoke highly of you to me. We will miss both of them dearly.

    Daughter and Sista, Rina Chowdhury, with love!

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  2. Lovely post, Nadia. Thank you for sharing your feeling with us. It reminded me how precious life is.

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  3. I actually didn't find this depressing, rather a post celebrating those cherished bright times in life that you shared with these great people in your life.

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