In Memoriam of my friend, Yvette

 
My friend Yvette passed away this morning after a very short and sudden fight with terminal brain and lung cancer.

I remember her telling me that she had cancer during a late summer BBQ. She looked fine, acted fine, seemed fine, but she had cancer. I didn't know how to react. Part of me just didn't think that it was real, part of me just thought that somehow, she would be okay. Death  doesn't seem like a reality until it's too late.

Until this morning, I had made plans to visit Yvette in her hospice facility. I signed up to help out with caretaking assistance once she got out. I thought we could spend time together, that she could tell me stories, that maybe I could be there for her.

I wasn't yet. I was going to be. Last week she seemed fine. Other friends reported that she was in relatively good spirits, she seemed to be holding up. I wanted to see her tomorrow until I received the call today to say final goodbyes.

I promptly cancelled my plans for today, frustrated with myself for not visiting earlier this week. I drove to two different nursing homes, wrong ones, no Yvette. Finally I got to the right one and ran out. I asked the nurse for her room. The nurse looked at me, shook her head and let me know that Yvette had passed away that morning at 9am. I was there at 12pm, 3 hours too late, 1 week too late 1 month too late. I spoke to another nurse that let me know that her family had been with her when she passed, she was not alone. This entire time, she had never been alone. I started to tear up as I attempted to keep composure, the nurse didn't seem to know what to say. I quietly thanked her and called up Yvette's friends to let them know that she was gone.

I think I may have been the first person to know of her passing outside of her family. After finally coming to visit her, I ended up breaking the death news.

I realize that this post is about me, my feelings on this day. As Roberto reminded me, it should be about her. Maybe writing a post about me makes it easier, I don't have to feel as sad as I would be if I wrote about her.

But she was great. I met her at an ASATA (Alliance of South Asians Taking Action) meeting late last Spring for the first time. Months later she came to my birthday. She was the first person to arrive and helped me to set up for my party. She was my last guest as well and I drove her home late that night. She told me stories of her trips to Africa, her life philosophies and her passion for justice and progressive change.

Packed room in honor of a wonderful woman, activist and friend

Today, there was supposed to be a fundraiser at the La Pena Cultural Center in Berkeley to help pay for her care. It ended up being a commemoration in her honor instead. The place was packed as friends of hers sang, played instruments and recited poetry.  I looked around at the sheer number of people who came out to show love and remembrance for Yvette. Her years of activism, involvement and friendships with us all were not lost, they were celebrated.

Death frustrates me, I don't think I handle it well (but who does?). I don't like missing people as I've mentioned before and before.

But when I left the Hospice center, I felt light. Yvette was no longer suffering. I knew that she was in severe pain at the end. She didn't deserve that pain. She deserved what she fought for her whole life,  she deserved peace.

And that is what she has now, peace.

I love you Yvette, thank you for being my friend.

Yvette and I at my birthday last July