Valentine's Day and One Billion Rising

Valentine's Day was about a week ago and I can't help but reflect on this interesting holiday.  It is one that people either love or hate or plain feel indifferent about. It's commercialized, but what holiday isn't? I mean isn't every major holiday, from Christmas-to Halloween- to Easter a huge payday for some corporation?

YEA, FIGHT THE POWER...but can we also fight self-righteousness?

Even knowing that, I was never actually cynical about the holiday. As a 28 year old in the Bay Area, I feel like the cool thing to do is scoff at everything Valentine's related. But I actually enjoy the day, whether I'm single or not. As a kid I loved getting all those cards at elementary school parties. I would snip out the cartoon characters for self made art projects. Yet the best part of all of that was the CANDY, more specifically the CHOCOLATE. My love for chocolate, especially for chocolate on Valentine's day increased exponentially with time. When I got to college, my love for chocolate became a self-proclaimed holiday. My college friends would recall that I called Valentines Day "Chocolate Overdose Day" (C.O.D for short). I loooved Chocolate Overdose Day (almost as much as I loved Doughnut Day). Since I spent most of my college life (and most of my life overall) single, I would grab my single buddies, give them chocolate, ignore the canoodling couples, and go out to dinner. It was amazing. The more my friends learned of Chocolate Overdose Day, the more chocolate I got. I got macaroons, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that were dyed red for the holiday (thanks Arshad!) and one time my friend swiped me into the college dining hall in the middle of a blizzard just so I could eat ALL the chocolate they had out for their theme dinner. I stalked chocolate fountains, I ripped into Godiva boxes, I became a chocolate bandit that jacked candy from free student events. Epic chocolate WIN ya'll, that's what Valentines Day meant to me.

dude, this guy is real...so random...

But things change, as they tend to do, and I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now. That means that I've actually had a Valentine and celebrated it as so. It is nice to share the holiday that is supposedly for lovers with a romantic partner, especially since it's sort of a novel experience for me to share it that way.

But Valentines Day changed yet again for me a few years ago. It changed for me when I became a part of Yoni Ki Baat (YKB), the South Asian Vagina monologues. I blogged about my experiences with the show before, and how special it was for me. I worked as a domestic violence advocate at a non-profit that works with South Asian women prior to moving to California and since then, women's issues,  particularly issues relating to violence against women have held a very heavy place in my heart. YKB really introduced me to the world of the Vagina Monologues and the amazing works and efforts of Eve Ensler. This show was a way to express our thoughts, our sufferings, our voices as women through poems, monologues and shows. It was a way to unite women and girls and express ourselves to a larger audience who came to hear our voices. So I was very excited to find out about V Day, a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls that was started by Eve Ensler. I really appreciate it's placement of Valentines day, as it juxtaposes a day meant to celebrate love with a day of remembrance for those who have been violated, abused and killed in acts that occur in the absence of love.

So this Valentine's Day, I joined in V-Day's One Billion Rising movement in Oakland's City Hall. One billion Rising was an international gathering of people in honor of V-Day. According to their website "On February 14, 2013, a one-day event was held, a call for one billion women around the world to join together to dance in a show of collective strength" and was held on the 15th anniversary of the V-Day movement. I came to the city hall grounds alone, not sure what to expect. I saw a sea of red, a sea of men, women and children who had all comes to join in on this campaign. And I danced. Yea I had no idea what I was doing, supposedly there was a Youtube video put out by the organization on how to do the dance (I totally missed the memo). Regardless I danced on the steps of Oakland City hall. But this is the weird thing. As I was dancing, I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion. If anything, I think public dancing is silly, so where the hell was all the emotion coming from? Maybe it, was the song, which was pretty uplifting. Or the video I saw earlier that day of female inmates dancing with One Billion Rising volunteers at an SF prison. I couldn't forget how happy they were to do a simple dance together ( Bureau of justice statistics have shown that nearly 6 in 10 women in prison have suffered physical or sexual abuse in the past).

    Seriously, take out 3:48 minutes of your day to watch this video, it'll make your face leak

Maybe it was just all of us women just throwing our hands in the air, dancing in unison as an enthusiastic crowd cheered us on and took pictures. I'm sure there's a super awkward video of doing the wrong dance moves out there somewhere. In that moment, all of the work I have done regarding violence against women just came rolling onto me. All of the stories and tears I heard firsthand from being a domestic violence counselor, the pain I saw in my own home, the stories I read every day of rape, and violence and gang rapes and women not getting paid enough and our reproductive rights being stomped on and abortion rights being chipped away and legitimate rape and birth control control being an issue because old white men say no, ALL of that just caught up with me...and for a few moments I really though I was going to start bawling hysterically in front of all these people. I didn't want to be a buzzkill, I also didn't want my blubbering face to go viral on Youtube, so I just held it in. The point is, I never thought that something as a simple as a 3-4 minute dance with a group of strangers in red could be so powerful, but it was.

               OHMIGOD, I JUST found the video of me awkwardly dancing!! HAHAHA You can see me to the right side dancing at the top of the steps. I'm the one wearing a black and white striped dress dancing totally out of sync with everyone else

Later, my boyfriend joined in and watched other dancers who joined the show for V-Day. they were wonderful and talented, and it felt amazing to be with him to experience this on Valentines day.

Later on, the bf and I did end up getting dinner at an amazing place called Pizzaiolo, where I ate myself silly and yes...had an amazing chocolate mousse.

I bring up the dinner and my boyfriend because V-Day also makes me realize how lucky I am to have a partner who is not violent in any form. One who loves and respects me and lets me buy as much dessert and port wine as I want on Valentines day without complaining. One who uplifts me and loves that I am an empowered woman. But most of all, I am grateful that he actually joined me at the One Billion Rising event because I asked him to come. I am glad that my partner in love supports an end to violence against women ( and men), and I couldn't ask for a better Valentine's Day than that.

Activism, love, remembrance and coal oven pizza...my idea of a great V-Day and Valentine's Day

Women and the V-Word

Photo by Sean Kirkpatrick

I've recently had some powerful womanly experiences. No, not birth or anything having to do with my reproductive cycle (well sort of), but I have been attending some pretty interesting woman centered events lately. One such event was a performance of the Vagina Monologues by Filipina Women in San Francisco. Those of you that know me know that I performed in Yoni Ki Baat, the South Asian Vagina Monologues a few months ago. You can read the post about it here. I attended the Filipina women's performance because my friend Nwe was being awarded by the organizers for her activism work and I also attended to experience another Vagina Monologues; this time as a member of the audience.

It was interesting.  The show that I was involved with though inspired by Eve Ensler's piece, was sort of its own thing. The participants in Yoni Ki Baat either wrote their own pieces or read the pieces that others had submitted. The show I recently attended however  presented pieces from Ensler's original performance of the Vagina Monologues, read and performed by various women on stage. It was sort of cool to see and experience the different versions of the Vagina Monologues. I never saw performances of Ensler's original play and for some reason I was surprised that a lot of it was literally about VAGINAS and what vaginas did, or wanted to do. I was a bit shocked. As liberal as I'd like to think I am, I grew up in a conservative Bangladeshi Muslim household. Sex was forbidden, boys were forbidden, and for a good chunk of my life, I believed that even thinking about boys was forbidden. So yes, the vestiges of this upbringing can still hold strong. There was a session of faking orgasms onstage, talking about what your vagina would wear, monologues against shaving and tampons and so on. My poor friend who was being awarded was a little taken aback. She also comes from a conservative background, being Burmese and raised in Bangladesh.  She had invited various members from her conservative Burmese community to attend the show. To say it was a shock to her and community members in attendance is an understatement, as she stood on stage a bit dazed with a huge plaque that read "Vagina Warrior". 

Photo by Sean Kirkpatrick

But the show is supposed to be shocking and empowering, right? Honestly, this is where I think my dual background comes out. I am Bangladeshi American after all. The American, westernized part of me understands the rhetoric behind this play: the pushing of buttons, the reclaiming of "Vagina". But the Bangladeshi, Barisal/Sylheti village part of me is secretly uncomfortable and well, a little lost about what all of this means, even though I am a feminist who strongly supports and hopefully embodies woman power and equality. I saw the gorgeous woman on stage in all of their diverse glory and loved it, while the other part of me didn't get it, thinking "can we talk about women's stories and issues without bringing up sex organs?".

Seriously though, you go girl
(photo by Sean Kirkpatrick)

Maybe that's controversial, I might get slack for thinking this way, but I'm being honest about my thoughts and the duality of my perspective. What Eve Ensler is accomplishing with her V-Day project is truly amazing and I am so inspired by the work she does. I do wonder though how women in other countries, especially more conservatives countries, react to the idea of talking about vaginas in an open way. When I told my mother that I was performing in something called the Vagina Monologues. She said "tsssk, in this country, they talk about things so openly."

However being "closed" does not equal oppression, not always, just like being open does not always  imply freedom. For my mother and her cultural upbringing, keeping intimate things, well intimate, held it's own power, something that didn't need to be out there for everyone to know.


Which brings up a bigger debate, where some may look at scantily clad women and the constant portrayal of women in media as sexual objects and think that they are being oppressed, while others may look at women who cover up as being oppressed for not being able or being comfortable to show off their faces or bodies.

For me, I think that the vital element in all of this is CHOICE. If I choose to wear a short skirt because I love it, then let me be. If I want to wear a hijab because I want to, then that is my choice as well. The complication may come about when we think of what affects our choices. Society? Men? Media? Culture? Patriarchal hierarchies? All of the above? What does choice even mean....arrgghh my head hurts and this post is going on for much too long.


I have no conclusion, I want to do what makes me happy, what makes me feel good inside. Maybe for me, it's not talking about my vagina, but also respecting the idea that others may do this and that feels great for them...and that it may not feel so great for other women and that's also okay.

CHOICE, a simple idea, but it can be a complicated concept in the real world. I  hope that women can at least have a choice, and be happy with the paths they choose. Maybe that is what the Vagina Monologues is really about, because unfortunately women today around the world, and in this country are being denied choices: Wisconsin, Tennessee Try To Pull Planned Parenthood Funding

and are being denied choices
Woman's 'Honor' Killing Sparks Outrage In West Bank

and are being denied choices
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/over_b_861159.html

A Creative Process...

Yesterday was the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, and in honor of this day, I was planning on writing this awesome, knock-your-socks off post about women and awesomeness and fighting the good fight and...

yea well I'm sick ....I've been sick since Friday and these coughing fits just won't quit.

So you have this post instead. This past weekend was the culmination of an absolutely amazing and inspiring experience for me. It was my first time performing at Yoni Ki Baat, which is the South Asian Vagina Monologues. After practicing for two months, I got on stage, along with a bevy of diverse, creative and wonderful women to express our unique monologues and poems to our audience in the Mission District of San Francisco.

There are so many emotions involved in this for me. For one, I remember coming to San Francisco as a tourist almost two years ago,

(Me being a tourist in San Francisco)

running around the Mission Dolores and the Castro clicking away with my camera since I pretty much figured I wouldn't be coming back to the Bay Area anytime soon, if ever. And now here I was performing IN the Mission. Funny where life takes you, from tourist to local performer, I definitely didn't see THAT coming.

Back to the show though. When I first submitted my poem "Mother May I" to Yoni Ki Baat, I had no idea what to expect. I was stoked to get picked, but I still had no idea what I was getting into. As I came to the first rehearsal, I felt sorta weird. I vaguely knew one person, and I had no idea if I would be totally out of place here. Although I'm loud and extroverted, I'm not a seasoned stage performer by any means, and yea I was very nervous.

From that first nervous day, so many things have changed. The women I met became my friends and my teachers, as they gave me tips on how to improve my performance, use my stage space and SLOW DOWN (which I still can't say has quite happened). There were times when I felt totally lost, thinking "wow I can't do this, many of these woman just GET it". Yet the comfort came came, as the pieces were memorized, and there were times when I saw some of the vulnerabilities and strengths of my fellow performers. I think that helped, and it also made me feel closer to them and to the pieces we were putting out there for the world to see.

The amazing thing is, each and every one of the pieces in the show was special to me. It was exciting to see words on paper transform into an actual performance, with feeling and expression. It was a pretty cool process to see how each woman made their piece their own, whether they had written them or not. Every performance was a journey, and I was glad to have been a witness to that journey.

Most of the YKB women are not professional performers. Roberto mentioned how so many of the performers looked completely at home on stage. I told him it was because of practice, practice, practice. The truth is, these women came from very diverse backgrounds. From a Harvard trained doctor who works at a community health center using her experience working with families to inspire a piece on delivering babies, to a high school teacher, a lawyer, an environmental activist, a recording artist/electronic musician, a scientist and so much more. All of these women came together to become fast friends, performers and yes, sisters to put on Yoni Ki Baat.

This experience has certainly made me follow through with my own creative process. Following through with a performance in front of 200+ crowds was quite an undertaking. I even cried after my performance, when all of us took the stage after the final show. It was all such a rush, and it was overwhelming to just give your all to a performance and have it be over. Roberto held me as I blubbered like a baby, they were tears of joy to be sure, and grateful tears to have have the opportunity to be a part of this.

This blog is also part of my creative process, which is continuing, changing, evolving (I hope). I just started another project, which is sort of my baby right now, it's a new photo essay blog called (Extra)Ordinary People at usordinarypeople.blogspot.com. I have also joined a sort of "women's circle" of writers, to inspire each other and push each other to continue the creative process even when we don't feel like it (writing is truly a discipline that needs to be cultivated and tended to!)

So I am still in this process, Yoni Ki Baat was a fantastic part of it, and I can only hope for more amazing ventures and experiences in my future.

Love you ladies, Yonis forever!