The Journey So Far...So Good

I sometimes reflect on my postings over the last 2-3 years. I re-started writing on my blog when I became unemployed 3 years ago. Being stuck in California, a brand new place with no friends and hardly any acquaintances, failing miserably at the job that enabled me to move here and kerplunking my way out of ever EVEN applying to law school led to some serious confidence issues. I was so blue that I wasn't even blue, I was black, I had a black emo soul (complete with side bangs and crappy music). Everything sucked and I had no idea how to build myself up. This is something I chronicle somewhat often on this blog, I do it because frankly, that's what made this blog really happen. Actually its what made everything that is happening in my life now happen.

My emo self can best be illustrated by Spongebob with a visually impairing haircut

I actually had to  a chance to reflect on this in front of a group of students just this week. This past Monday I was a guest lecturer for a Asian American Studies Class on South Asian Diaspora at UC Berkeley.  I presented on South Asian activism and was invited to do so be a fellow activist and professor who found my contact through the emails I sent as part of ASATA (the Alliance of South Asians Taking Action). There was a moment when she had me fill out a honorarium form, in case I could get paid for the presentation as a guest, which made me reflect back on when I worked at UC Berkeley and was the admin person processing the honorarium forms. Now I was filling one out myself, waiting for someone else to process it. Funny how things circle back around.

Okay, not really, but whatever

In this class I was to talk about my own story, on the inspiration behind my activist, how I became an activist, my struggles and triumphs, and all the work I've done.  I should have just given them this blog link and called it a day, but then I wouldn't have had the chance to blab on for 90 minutes straight. Hence the name of my blog would be moot.

Here are the awesome college students who got to hear me talk, and talk and talk =D

When I started to go over my activism, what it's done and what it has meant to me I realize that 90 minutes wasn't close to being enough time to go over it all. And just coz I can't stop talking ( well yea there's that) but also because I have done SO much. I am not saying that to brag. Actually it's a little scary, as I looked into the faces of these bright and shiny young people, I realized that they probably thought I was insane. I mean my activism has been all over the place. After I first became unemployed in 2010, my life was basically one huge journey of trying anything and everything my activist heart desired. Did I want to work on women's issues? How about the situation in Burma? What about Muslim Americans and civil rights? Or South Asian Women's poetry? Photojournalism? Blogging? Democratic Politics? Empowerment of the African Community? How about all of the above?!! No seriously, I did all of the above and more at the same time. That's a LOT, and frankly it's a bit nuts.

Good question Uncle Sam, good question...

But isn't that what you're supposed to be like in your 20's? Experimental? I guess instead of experimenting with drugs, or people, I experimented with activism. I was like an activism mad scientist. It was my 'thing', but I didn't know what issue was MY issue in particular. So I figured I would try them out, sort of like the guess and check method from grade school. Now that law school was out of the question, it was a whole new beginning with tons of possibilities and opportunities and I took all of them.

I spoke to the students about my work with the young Democrats, about getting involved for the first time in local politics by helping on a Oakland city council campaign and joining the board of the East Bay Young Democrats. I spoke about helping to co-found the Black Young Democrats of the East Bay, after naming and addressing the need for cultivating young black leadership in this area. I spoke about being a writer and performer for Yoni Ki Baat, the South Asian Vagina monologues for two years. YKB as it is known has spread throughout the country, but I have been honored to share the stage with and befriended the inspiring women who started it all here in the Bay Area. I spoke about my API organizing, my political blogging for Hyphen, my adventures at the DNC and how I eventually was able to serve on the leadership of NAPAWF. All of that is documented on this blog. I think that's so special. It's an open journal for the world to read, and one that I look to as my journey continues.

I have no idea

 All of this activism was part of my crazy process, but this crazy process was recently recognized as I was selected as part of something called the GOOD 100. I had no idea what this was, but apparently its a quartlerly magazine that outlines people and projects that have done good throughout the world.

Look Ma, I'm in a magazine!

And I made their 100 people who are making a difference in the world for 2014. I was floored, i was shocked, they called me  a big mouth. it was all very fitting. I have to admit, it is pretty cool to be chosen along with a supermodel, the daughter of a president and other kickass people from all over the world. I feel like I am a bit underwhelming compared to these people but hey, I've got to learn to own it (it meaning being awesome without apologizing which honestly, can be so hard to do!).

NAPAWF Power Up Summit! We rock!

So the journey continues, the weeks before the GOOD 100 and my guest lecture saw me take part in my first NAPAWF (National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum)'s Power up! summit as a board member, where we got promptly snowed out in the crazy non stop blizzards that the East Coast had to offer this year. I also was honored to join in the New American Leaders Project training for immigrant leaders who want to be in leadership positions, especially those that want to run for office.

Yay for being leaders, yay for being diverse yay for being diverse leaders! NALP's New Jersey training ya'll

Does this mean I'll run for office one day? What did I just say about the guess and check method? I'm still guessing I suppose, we'll see if any of it finally checks out one day....

Valentine's Day and One Billion Rising

Valentine's Day was about a week ago and I can't help but reflect on this interesting holiday.  It is one that people either love or hate or plain feel indifferent about. It's commercialized, but what holiday isn't? I mean isn't every major holiday, from Christmas-to Halloween- to Easter a huge payday for some corporation?

YEA, FIGHT THE POWER...but can we also fight self-righteousness?

Even knowing that, I was never actually cynical about the holiday. As a 28 year old in the Bay Area, I feel like the cool thing to do is scoff at everything Valentine's related. But I actually enjoy the day, whether I'm single or not. As a kid I loved getting all those cards at elementary school parties. I would snip out the cartoon characters for self made art projects. Yet the best part of all of that was the CANDY, more specifically the CHOCOLATE. My love for chocolate, especially for chocolate on Valentine's day increased exponentially with time. When I got to college, my love for chocolate became a self-proclaimed holiday. My college friends would recall that I called Valentines Day "Chocolate Overdose Day" (C.O.D for short). I loooved Chocolate Overdose Day (almost as much as I loved Doughnut Day). Since I spent most of my college life (and most of my life overall) single, I would grab my single buddies, give them chocolate, ignore the canoodling couples, and go out to dinner. It was amazing. The more my friends learned of Chocolate Overdose Day, the more chocolate I got. I got macaroons, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that were dyed red for the holiday (thanks Arshad!) and one time my friend swiped me into the college dining hall in the middle of a blizzard just so I could eat ALL the chocolate they had out for their theme dinner. I stalked chocolate fountains, I ripped into Godiva boxes, I became a chocolate bandit that jacked candy from free student events. Epic chocolate WIN ya'll, that's what Valentines Day meant to me.

dude, this guy is real...so random...

But things change, as they tend to do, and I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now. That means that I've actually had a Valentine and celebrated it as so. It is nice to share the holiday that is supposedly for lovers with a romantic partner, especially since it's sort of a novel experience for me to share it that way.

But Valentines Day changed yet again for me a few years ago. It changed for me when I became a part of Yoni Ki Baat (YKB), the South Asian Vagina monologues. I blogged about my experiences with the show before, and how special it was for me. I worked as a domestic violence advocate at a non-profit that works with South Asian women prior to moving to California and since then, women's issues,  particularly issues relating to violence against women have held a very heavy place in my heart. YKB really introduced me to the world of the Vagina Monologues and the amazing works and efforts of Eve Ensler. This show was a way to express our thoughts, our sufferings, our voices as women through poems, monologues and shows. It was a way to unite women and girls and express ourselves to a larger audience who came to hear our voices. So I was very excited to find out about V Day, a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls that was started by Eve Ensler. I really appreciate it's placement of Valentines day, as it juxtaposes a day meant to celebrate love with a day of remembrance for those who have been violated, abused and killed in acts that occur in the absence of love.

So this Valentine's Day, I joined in V-Day's One Billion Rising movement in Oakland's City Hall. One billion Rising was an international gathering of people in honor of V-Day. According to their website "On February 14, 2013, a one-day event was held, a call for one billion women around the world to join together to dance in a show of collective strength" and was held on the 15th anniversary of the V-Day movement. I came to the city hall grounds alone, not sure what to expect. I saw a sea of red, a sea of men, women and children who had all comes to join in on this campaign. And I danced. Yea I had no idea what I was doing, supposedly there was a Youtube video put out by the organization on how to do the dance (I totally missed the memo). Regardless I danced on the steps of Oakland City hall. But this is the weird thing. As I was dancing, I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion. If anything, I think public dancing is silly, so where the hell was all the emotion coming from? Maybe it, was the song, which was pretty uplifting. Or the video I saw earlier that day of female inmates dancing with One Billion Rising volunteers at an SF prison. I couldn't forget how happy they were to do a simple dance together ( Bureau of justice statistics have shown that nearly 6 in 10 women in prison have suffered physical or sexual abuse in the past).

    Seriously, take out 3:48 minutes of your day to watch this video, it'll make your face leak

Maybe it was just all of us women just throwing our hands in the air, dancing in unison as an enthusiastic crowd cheered us on and took pictures. I'm sure there's a super awkward video of doing the wrong dance moves out there somewhere. In that moment, all of the work I have done regarding violence against women just came rolling onto me. All of the stories and tears I heard firsthand from being a domestic violence counselor, the pain I saw in my own home, the stories I read every day of rape, and violence and gang rapes and women not getting paid enough and our reproductive rights being stomped on and abortion rights being chipped away and legitimate rape and birth control control being an issue because old white men say no, ALL of that just caught up with me...and for a few moments I really though I was going to start bawling hysterically in front of all these people. I didn't want to be a buzzkill, I also didn't want my blubbering face to go viral on Youtube, so I just held it in. The point is, I never thought that something as a simple as a 3-4 minute dance with a group of strangers in red could be so powerful, but it was.

               OHMIGOD, I JUST found the video of me awkwardly dancing!! HAHAHA You can see me to the right side dancing at the top of the steps. I'm the one wearing a black and white striped dress dancing totally out of sync with everyone else

Later, my boyfriend joined in and watched other dancers who joined the show for V-Day. they were wonderful and talented, and it felt amazing to be with him to experience this on Valentines day.

Later on, the bf and I did end up getting dinner at an amazing place called Pizzaiolo, where I ate myself silly and yes...had an amazing chocolate mousse.

I bring up the dinner and my boyfriend because V-Day also makes me realize how lucky I am to have a partner who is not violent in any form. One who loves and respects me and lets me buy as much dessert and port wine as I want on Valentines day without complaining. One who uplifts me and loves that I am an empowered woman. But most of all, I am grateful that he actually joined me at the One Billion Rising event because I asked him to come. I am glad that my partner in love supports an end to violence against women ( and men), and I couldn't ask for a better Valentine's Day than that.

Activism, love, remembrance and coal oven pizza...my idea of a great V-Day and Valentine's Day

To Human is to Connect

In my last post I was in beautiful Vietnam. Over a month has passed since I've been back home and only recently have I felt like I've readjusted to my regular life. The trip was only 2 weeks long, but the experience of the journey and the impression it has made on me is probably stamped upon me forever. I did so much in those two weeks that I feel like I was there much longer (and I have about 5 Facebook albums filled with pictures to prove it, and I STILL haven't uploaded all of them!).

seriously, that's too many damn pictures

From Saigon to Hanoi, and so much in between I built homes, danced with local dancers in a jungle around a roaring bonfire, spent a weekend in one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen in my life, a city so full of lights and floating lanterns that I had to convince myself that I was truly awake and not dreaming during my time there. I swam in the South China Sea, so warm, blue and calming. I took a 15 hour train ride from Central Vietnam to the capital, Hanoi, where I was able to take in Vietnam's coastline, mountains, rice paddies, villages, cities and temples. I kayaked through jutting rock formations rising up from the depths of the ocean in Halong Bay, a smattering of over 3,000 islands in the Gulf of Tonkin. I spent time the last leg of my trip in Hanoi, which was as cold as Oakland, where I met up with friends of friends who showed me around town and had the opportunity to take photos in an orphanage for developmentally disabled children, many living with the effects of Agent Orange. It was great, beautiful, overwhelming, it was all of that.

Oh Vietnam, you are SO beautiful

Yet I was happy to come home, I missed my bed, I missed my cat, I missed knowing my way around a place. I missed my friends and my life. Getting back to my life was like trying to jump onto a treadmill already on full speed. Is it possible to feel like you've lived a few lifetimes in a few weeks? Because that's seriously how I have been feeling since I left for Vietnam! Back in the Bay Area, I practiced then performed for this year's Yoni Ki Baat, the South Asian Version of the Vagina Monologues, where we performed the show three times in one weekend.  I am continuing my training at the New Leaders Council, where I am working on an important fundraising event we are hosting to support next year's class (the fundraising event is on May 9, by the way, and you can buy tickets here...see I'm doing my job!). And now I have filed my papers to run as a delegate for my congressional district for the 2012 Democratic National Convention (to vote for me, you need to be part of the 13th Congressional District in CA i.e. Oakland, Berkeley, Alameda, Emeryville, Part of San Leandro, voting is on April 29, between 2-3pm at SEIU UHW HQ - Oakland 560 Thomas L Berkley Way Oakland, CA 94612). I don't usually hear of Bangladeshi Muslim girls running for stuff, so I thought I'd quit complaining about how women don't get politically involved and actually do something. Even if it is small, it's a start. A start to what? I really have no idea, but hopefully good, meaningful things.

Is this considered voter intimidation? Is it working?
 Coz I really want you to vote for me

So was this post an outline of my life? Maybe, I think there was supposed to be a deeper meaning in this. There is actually and it's this: since I have returned I have changed. I feel it, it is subtle but it is there with me in every thought. It is this feeling, this deeper understanding of connection. That is what I learned in Vietnam. I was able to build homes with people without speaking the same language. We gesticulated, laughed and shared, all without having a common tongue, or even a common culture. What we did have in common is that we were human, and we had a shared goal...to build that house. And we did it and we became friends, even if we couldn't say it.

So that colors everything I do.  I have always believed that human beings are more similar than different, but this experience has only expanded and informed that belief. And it is coloring every action and thought I have had since coming back. I felt this connection when I was at a Tibetan prayer vigil to pay respects to the victims of the tragic Oikos University shooting in Oakland.  Everyone was chanting, with monks leading the chant. Tears were flowing and people were praying in unison. It was a Buddhist ceremony, where everyone prayed to the departed's soul, since it is believed that if someone departs the world in violence their soul gets lost. It was in essence, a soul-calling or soul retrieval ceremony. In this ceremony, one I had never experienced, I still felt connected in this human element of grief, of understanding loss and tragedy, beyond religion, or language or physical appearance.

Tibetan prayer vigil for the Oikos University tragedy

I feel as if something shifted and deepened deep inside. The world can be an ugly place and people can do ugly things. I can still be jaded, angry and even depressed at times at the state of affairs around me, yet I never deny that I am a part of it all. The good and the bad. Regardless, I feel this stronger bond to my humanity and the humanity of others. So travel and see people, try to learn about people and relate to them. Because as much as we see skin color, borders, socioeconomic statuses, race, religion and all of those divisions, above all of that we are human, and that is a truth that cannot be denied.

aaand that is my truthiness for the day...

A Creative Process...

Yesterday was the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, and in honor of this day, I was planning on writing this awesome, knock-your-socks off post about women and awesomeness and fighting the good fight and...

yea well I'm sick ....I've been sick since Friday and these coughing fits just won't quit.

So you have this post instead. This past weekend was the culmination of an absolutely amazing and inspiring experience for me. It was my first time performing at Yoni Ki Baat, which is the South Asian Vagina Monologues. After practicing for two months, I got on stage, along with a bevy of diverse, creative and wonderful women to express our unique monologues and poems to our audience in the Mission District of San Francisco.

There are so many emotions involved in this for me. For one, I remember coming to San Francisco as a tourist almost two years ago,

(Me being a tourist in San Francisco)

running around the Mission Dolores and the Castro clicking away with my camera since I pretty much figured I wouldn't be coming back to the Bay Area anytime soon, if ever. And now here I was performing IN the Mission. Funny where life takes you, from tourist to local performer, I definitely didn't see THAT coming.

Back to the show though. When I first submitted my poem "Mother May I" to Yoni Ki Baat, I had no idea what to expect. I was stoked to get picked, but I still had no idea what I was getting into. As I came to the first rehearsal, I felt sorta weird. I vaguely knew one person, and I had no idea if I would be totally out of place here. Although I'm loud and extroverted, I'm not a seasoned stage performer by any means, and yea I was very nervous.

From that first nervous day, so many things have changed. The women I met became my friends and my teachers, as they gave me tips on how to improve my performance, use my stage space and SLOW DOWN (which I still can't say has quite happened). There were times when I felt totally lost, thinking "wow I can't do this, many of these woman just GET it". Yet the comfort came came, as the pieces were memorized, and there were times when I saw some of the vulnerabilities and strengths of my fellow performers. I think that helped, and it also made me feel closer to them and to the pieces we were putting out there for the world to see.

The amazing thing is, each and every one of the pieces in the show was special to me. It was exciting to see words on paper transform into an actual performance, with feeling and expression. It was a pretty cool process to see how each woman made their piece their own, whether they had written them or not. Every performance was a journey, and I was glad to have been a witness to that journey.

Most of the YKB women are not professional performers. Roberto mentioned how so many of the performers looked completely at home on stage. I told him it was because of practice, practice, practice. The truth is, these women came from very diverse backgrounds. From a Harvard trained doctor who works at a community health center using her experience working with families to inspire a piece on delivering babies, to a high school teacher, a lawyer, an environmental activist, a recording artist/electronic musician, a scientist and so much more. All of these women came together to become fast friends, performers and yes, sisters to put on Yoni Ki Baat.

This experience has certainly made me follow through with my own creative process. Following through with a performance in front of 200+ crowds was quite an undertaking. I even cried after my performance, when all of us took the stage after the final show. It was all such a rush, and it was overwhelming to just give your all to a performance and have it be over. Roberto held me as I blubbered like a baby, they were tears of joy to be sure, and grateful tears to have have the opportunity to be a part of this.

This blog is also part of my creative process, which is continuing, changing, evolving (I hope). I just started another project, which is sort of my baby right now, it's a new photo essay blog called (Extra)Ordinary People at usordinarypeople.blogspot.com. I have also joined a sort of "women's circle" of writers, to inspire each other and push each other to continue the creative process even when we don't feel like it (writing is truly a discipline that needs to be cultivated and tended to!)

So I am still in this process, Yoni Ki Baat was a fantastic part of it, and I can only hope for more amazing ventures and experiences in my future.

Love you ladies, Yonis forever!